Sign at the Cross
by ReadingBlueWolf
Summary: What people would think of Captain America breaking into a church?


_Prompt: Steve has a bad day. Inspired by the song Endless from The Lion King Musical._

_Side note: I decided to change this into a one shot._

_Let me know what you think!_

* * *

The satisfying click told him the door was open.

"Jarvis, make sure the alarm is off."

"All systems offline, sir. You are free to enter."

With a quick glance behind, he slid into the room and shut the door behind him. His hand then rose to his head where he removed the ear piece that connected with Jarvis. As he walked up the main aisle, he placed it in his pocket.

The small sanctuary was dark, lit only by the streetlamps dimly glowing through stained glass. _Wonder what people would think of Captain America breaking into a church?_

His eyes scanned over grey fabric chairs and soft beige walls as he approached the front. Slowing his pace, he swallowed roughly as he halted in front of the altar. Averting his eyes from the wooden cross before him, he folded his arms over his chest and stood in silence.

Several minutes passed before he found himself able to speak.

"You know… I've always believed… I've always followed You. I've always tried to do what was best. But here I am now, feeling as if you've abandoned me. I've never felt this low…"

He shook his head. The choppy words in his mouth tasted of blasphemy. He shouldn't be complaining about his situation. He'd already been blessed in more ways than imaginable.

If that was the case, then why did he feel so empty at the moment? He'd seen Bucky die. Lost Peggy. Been separated from his entire world. He was alone in this new place—this new era—and he couldn't figure out why _he_ was chosen to suffer through it.

The world had changed so much since he'd been frozen. Technology had advanced in ways he'd never dreamed. Warfare was anything but simple anymore. Everything was so foreign that when he first woke he thought he was in another universe.

Steve sighed. "I don't understand where You've gone or why You've left me here. I'm a fish out of water. Why did You think this was the best plan for me? Why did You think I could handle it? Why are You not helping me get through this?"

After a few steadying breaths, he rocked slightly from foot to foot as his mind turned.

Out of all the Avengers, he was the only one to believe in God so strongly. He'd often mention his deity in passing or when given the opportunity. He had always been taught to love his God and trust the plans laid out for his life. At the moment however…

"I look ridiculous for stating the things I believe in!" He hesitated as he tried to hold back tears. "I told Natasha that day that there was only one God. However, in the midst of everything, _I_ look like the liar. _I_ look like the fool! These other "gods" are running around wreaking havoc, and yet the one I believe in is _nowhere_ to be found."

He gritted his teeth. "I can't remember the last time you showed yourself to me. I can't remember the last time I've felt you near. No wonder Bruce believes in science. At least there's proof in that!"

He collapsed to his knees as his hands move to cover his face.

"I try to do good. I try to be the hero everyone expects me to be. But it all just blows up in my face! People hate the Avengers—hate me, because of what happened in New York. Do you realize the amount of people who have spat in my face or the slew of curse words that have come my way? I am nothing to them. Nothing but a _failure_. And despite trying to save everyone I could, they blame me for the ones I _couldn't_ help."

Tears stung his eyes as his head rested on the altar. "Why have you abandoned me? What did I do to deserve this? How did I fail you?"

A jagged breath crossed his lips as his fist clenched. "You _promised_ you'd always be there! You swore you'd never leave me! Then why am I here alone?!"

Steve wasn't sure how long he sat there, but he knew his voice felt hoarse and tears stained his face and shirt. After several deep breaths, he looked up at the cross and suddenly more tears pricked his eyes.

He sighed softly. "Is it so bad to ask for happiness? Everyone I know has loved ones, but… all mine are gone. I'm walking in the dark crying out to you. I _need_ you to help me. I _need_ you to be here!" He took a few more steadying breaths. "I want a place to call home. Somewhere I can lay my head down at night and sleep, a place where I have a family. Is that so much to ask?

"I've tried to be strong, to hold on… but it's getting so hard. If you could give me a sign, just one, it'll end this nightmare. I'll be content if you just speak."

Steve wasn't sure what he expected to happen in the dark sanctuary, but he was half-hoping God would appear before him. When he realized this wasn't a possibility, he grudgingly pulled himself to his feet. After heaving another sigh, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. The flashing blue light caught his attention. _A message?_

Poking at the screen, he navigated to a text:

_You done yet? We're wondering when you're coming home.  
_—_Stark__  
_

An awkward chuckle left his lips as he made for the door. With a glance at the cross, he nodded.

"Thanks."


End file.
